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The former Erotic Review magazine editor answers your sex questions My boyfriend wants me to watch a porn film with. He thinks it will liven up our sex life, but I have no interest in pornography and fear it's the slippery slope to ever more kinky sex.

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On the other hand, I don't want him sneaking off and watching this kind of lorn on his. Will it seem prudish if I say no?

What should I do? Let's get one thing clear: I edited an erotic magazine for eight years, so am hardly narrow-minded or prohibitive, yet I have no desire whatsoever to spend my spare time watching skin flicks.

Indeed, on the odd occasion when I was asked to review explicit movies, I generally found myself recalling Erica Jong's comment to Playboy magazine: After the first 20 minutes, I never want to have sex again as long as I live. So you are hardly alone in finding something uniquely dispiriting about stereotypical pornography. It's not just the fake-breasted women with glazed expressions, the hideous hairy men and the ludicrous scenarios wex none of that helpsit's the terrible tedium of endless, soulless rutting.

It seems to me that sex, like eating, is far better in the doing than the viewing. If you have a vivid erotic imagination, the last thing you need are the woefully limited visions of your average jaded porn peddler. Nevertheless, I don't think your boyfriend's desire to watch a pornographic film with you automatically signifies you're on the brink of some terrible sexual mottel.

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Most of the honest men I know admit to having consumed pornography at some point in their life, even if they find it distasteful, and it doesn't mean they've developed insatiable and deviant sexual appetites. Think of all those poor chaps in fertility clinics who are shoved into a booth with a pile of porn mags to do the business!

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Nobody thinks they're perverts. The combination of male biology and certain cultural influences particularly the internet means that men don't tend to find pornography as troubling as women. Lads' mags, for example, are full of references to the sex industry and are given to suggesting that there's nothing any ohme girlfriend wants to do more than watch a blue movie with her bloke.

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You only need to look at the shelves of Ann Summers, or at magazines such as Cosmo and Scarlet, to see there is a demonstrable and sizeable market for women. And let us not forget that the readership of sexually explicit literature such as Girl With A One Track Mind is largely female, while a recent survey revealed that just over a third of women readers want to be titillated by their book choices. I suppose what I'm boyfriend is mad and ignoring me is that both sexes are equally capable of seeking sexual gratification through some form of erotica - but men tend to be drawn to images and women to the written word.

So I wouldn't be inclined to beat your boyfriend into submission with a furled copy of the Guardian just. Instead I would gently, rationally, yet firmly explain the reasons why pornography leaves you cold.

I presume these will include the fact that you'd rather look at your boyfriend than the hideous porno geezers and the fact you'd rather he looked at you than sex with hotel waitress blondes with the fake bazookas.

At least these films examine desire, love and complex emotions. If you want to meet him more than g, you could always try Petra Joy's soft porn movies, which are specifically aimed at women; they hoem foreplay heavy and penetration light and she uses friends as actors but it won't work for anyone who can't take a smattering of piercings and a dose of fetish.

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You say that you don't want your man to slope off on his own to watch pornography if you decline to do it with. The truth is that nobody can police their other half's every move, all you can do is encourage open debate and mutual trust. If your boyfriend's desire to watch porn films is pretty entrenched then you need to know and deal with that fact.

And if it's utterly unacceptable to you and mtel majority of women will be on your side here you need to tell him now, rather than languish in uncertainty. The truth is that if you cannot find an accord over this issue then you're fatally ill-matched and you, in particular, are best out of it, pronto.

Most of the men I know abandoned pornography as they matured and fell in love, because they discovered something far more potent and electrifying. Who wants ersatz sex when you can have the real thing? Am I being a prude for refusing to watch porn films with my boyfriend? Watching porn is a plrn off for some people.

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